This article is meant to tell my story of a life in addiction and abuse; a life filled with fear and how I turned my life over to God and the sobriety He has provided me. My desire is to give someone out there hope and others some understanding of addiction and the pain it causes in the addict's own life and mind, as well as those around them.
I have been free from methamphetamines and other street drugs for four years. I would like to say it has all been easy, but it hasn't. There have been days of struggle, hopelessness, feeling as if I'm the only one in the world with these problems and wondering if my sordid past will ever be forgiven. Those days are spent in prayer, waiting for God to give me some sort of hope, knowing that He does forgive me.
There have also been many more days when I felt on top of the world… days that seem to go by so fast and I cannot stop smiling; loving every minute I am blessed with. I spend my days thanking God for the work He does in my life, for the moments I get to spend with my children, family and friends.
When I stopped using the many drugs I was on, I had been using intermittently for seven of ten years. None of my family wanted to be around me. There was some argument or fight every time I came around. I had lost almost every good friend I had before my addiction, and the ones I hadn't lost only came around occasionally to see if I was still alive.
Quite honestly, I hated myself. I hated my life and everything around me. I would get high and stay up all night crying, miserable and wishing I could somehow change.
I had completed two rehab programs but that hadn't helped. I was in counseling and had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Socialized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I was taking the antidepressants as well as my self-prescribed cocktail of street drugs.
I was a mess, plain and simple.
There just had to be something better out there. I didn't know what, but I was going to find out. I threw away all of my drugs and paraphernalia and moved out of town. I spent three weeks away just getting clean. It wasn't a miracle cure by any means, but it was a start.
When I returned, I found a small apartment just out of town and didn't tell anyone except my family where I was. I also found a small church and started attending. About a month later, a young man went up to accept Jesus into his heart. I stayed in the pew and repeated the words our pastor said. I began applying the tools I learned in treatment and counseling with the teachings from the New Testament. That's when my mind and my life really started to change. It seemed to look brighter each day.
Indeed life is brighter every day, and I continue to stay faithful to God. I have seen his countless blessings in my life every day as I am able to have a relationship with my children and have been blessed with two more. Until next time, may God bless you and may you have hope.
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